When I was young.

When I was young,

things were made to stay

together with glue.

Burning grass, fiery sky,

see-through glass told

me what would remain

when I grew up.

When I was a child,

a smile from you made

my day even if it rained.

Burning stars, fiery nights,

see-through thoughts I took

to be my own.

When it fell apart I felt it

in my bones and blood,

my childhood ended sometime

and I felt it. Who knows

what time or date you

became my friend but

that's when my childhood

ended. Invincible you were.

Glorious in burning specatcle,

fiery oration, see-through hearts.

You opened my eyes to the good and to the evil.

When I tried to be the reflection of you

I was happy. When I did not know the facades.

I could imagine being no one else but you.

As a flower of your toils, when I was a child,

I was in your favor. Now that I am grown,

I no longer am shadowed by the blind light.

I see you for who you are.

Good you are. Great you are. Strong you are.

Selfless you are. Emotional you are. Insecure you are.

Hopeful yet deceiving. You encouraged me even when

you doubted me and perhaps yourself.

The glue of your heart surpasses any mortal revelation

I have uncovered, the kindness and floods of love

I have drowned in, have been my salvation.

The broken glass and my shredded photo are not in sight.

Perhaps my shattered heart fixates and makes amends.

Now, when I think back to your burning glory, fiery love

and see-through reminiscence. In theory I

achieve boldness in the grace of your embrace.

In this moment of fleeting wisdom, I choose to be here.

I choose to be with you. I choose to love you and

maybe we're down to the last drop of glue and that little

piece of scotch tape is no longer adhesive, but in the reflection

of myself in the sky and the sea, I see the one thing I have longed to be.

I see you.

Maybe,

Maybe, I can save you, maybe I can't.

But all I know is that I have to try.

I don't know if you're even reading this message or if you even care, but I just need to let you know I'm here. Pick up the phone when no one's home, give me a call. As soon as I can, I'll drive over to you, comfort you my friend.

But if you don't let me in, who will you let in? If you don't let me in, I can't help you.

I can't save you, unless you let me in.

Maybe, I won't even need to save you, maybe you'll save yourself.

<3

Do You Remember?

I wish we could go back.

Evanescent Everlasting

Evanescent Everlasting

For a fleeting moment all is transparent.

The light is visible. The brilliance overcomes the child,

save for Moses, a reenactment of the famous burning bush.

In a miracle the eyes widen,

pupils dilate, envision some

greater heaven.

A power unknown to man.

The magnificent theophany.

Time does not freeze,

for the cigarette the mother lights

consumes the flame by which the child is

hypnotized.

Amuse yes, but the child tumbles into place, aloof

from the world reveling from his vision.

But only for a second was it a seeming reality.

Like a bird in flight, the image vanished as soon as it arrived.

What for? For nothing but a glimpse

of evanescent everlasting.

Self Reliance and Purpose.

These past few months, I've been needing some inspiration and advice myself.

I don't know if I'm making the right decisions, I don't know where I want to be, where I'm going. I am not sure of anything right now. When everyone is writing essays, finding themselves, I am running outside to the woods to think.

To clear my head maybe, to reflect, to find something that can simply deconstruct every part of my persona and detail it in 500 words. But it doesn't work.

Am I simple enough to sum up in 500 words?

Are any of us?

I'm a complicated polynomial, a scientific question waiting to be solved, a controversial supreme court case, a column in the paper evoking debate. I'm no where near easy to define. I just don't know what's true and untrue. I do not know how to define my theoretical thinking. Am I forever searching for a purpose? Is this search expediting madness? What is realistically me? Do I have to have all of the answers? I've lived maybe a fourth of my life; there is so much left to experience. Who I am now is not who I'll be in 3 - 4 years. Hopefully, I'll have cultivated a better person in me. Hopefully, I'll have grown with age and time. Hopefully, I'll have wisened over the years.

It's okay though, I'm writing obviously because I've found cause to.

And cause in this case is Emerson's Self Reliance.

"With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you say t-day. - 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' - Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood."

If I remain true to myself day-to-day, the rest will work itself out on its own.

So that essay I have to write? No problem, a quick DL of factual truths about myself, and I'll be done.

In truth, we envision some grand purpose our life has, and go mad trying to realize it. But if we live life honest to ourselves, then only we can say our life has a purpose.

Progress.

This summer has been spectacular. I've been exposed to an inkling of real life and I love it.

I am not saying that this inkling of real life is spectacular, but it is so different than my day-to-day school life. This difference is what makes it spectacular.

In high school we're always taught to work hard, it'll pay off some day, right? I have always been a strong believer in the game theory. School is just a tough game filled with tricks and conspiracies. The teachers are out to get us. Our parents are allied with them. Our friends are the only ones experiencing the same thing as us, but we secretly have to do better than them. This game can suck the joy out of youth, but not if you find the loop hole. Simple. Enjoy it.

I sure as hell enjoyed it when I met Nancy Pelosi, Bill Clinton, Senator Ike Skelton and Senator Carl Levin. Hard work for better results, isn't that the American Dream? I don't aspire to be a politician as of today, but the thrills of getting involved in the political world were phenomenal, because I simply enjoyed it.

I do not advocate living every day for tomorrow, no, no, that is not at all what I'm trying to say, neither do I advocate living every day for today. I believe in the balance. Enjoy today for what it is while keeping in mind what needs to be done for tomorrow.

Life is about balance. Even though I'm just figuring this out, it's still progress.

Day and Night Dichotomy.

Day and Night. Ha! A continuation of my whole optimism versus pessimism idea. I think realism with hints of optimism would be nice, but think about it with the metaphor of day and night. Day usually symbolizes light and purity and goodness, and night symbolizes darkness and despair and evil. 

There is a dichotomy is almost every single aspect of life.

For example, I want to write this post so badly, but I'm too lazy, SO dichotomous! Right?

Haha, Peace.